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  • Writer's pictureEve's Destiny

“You were not the BLACK SHEEP, You were the BLUEPRINT”

It’s ironic that as I sit writing this blog and anticipating our podcast, “Sundays with Eve,” I realize that I have never been one to partake in reading a lot of blogs or regularly listening to Podcasts, but one day I was drawn to the podcast of Sarah Jakes. I don’t remember who she interviewed or the particular subject, but the interviewee made a statement that calmed my soul and gave purpose to some of the Eves of my childhood.

My mother grew up in Pine Bluff Arkansas and for what it seems like a few days a month and every summer, I spent my childhood. Pine Bluff was always my stable place. As a little girl, my father had just begun his path to medicine and during his journey we moved many places as dictated by his next place of study. To this day, I call Illinois my home and not a particular city in it.

I loved being in the peace of the country on the quiet dirt road. I enjoyed the simplicity of things. I love that no matter what, on McFadden Road, I could count on Mama Janie’s morning biscuits and Daddy Fletcher’s penny candy.

In contrast, there were times I felt completely alone and unprotected. Without going into all details, I was often ridiculed, called “fast,” “ugly,” “big lipped.” I was labeled a “bad influence” for my cousin of the same age, who seemingly acted out only when I was there. I was touched inappropriately and exposed to things a young girl should never see. When attempting to speak up, things didn’t change. I often timessuffered in silence and my self-esteem was always diminished after every visit.

Still, I craved for approval, and always had hope that the subsequent visits would be different.

I could not understand as a child and while I will never submit to you that these behaviors were just, as I matured, I understood the insecurities and jealousies of the perpetrators. If I am candid, I also understood that the characteristics developed were beyond me and I just happened to be recipient or an easy target. I understood the hierarchy of siblings and my mothers respect to the structure as she tried to balance. I have forgiven.

I look back to that little girl realizing that even then she was equipped to persevere and overcome and be made whole in spirit one day.

The EVE

• The enemy called insecurity and jealousy projected to decrease my spirit and self-esteem

The DESTINY

• The triumph to a greater purpose. The example of that which could not be broken, but sought out and revered by even those past perpetrators.

“You were not the BLACK SHEEP, You were the BLUEPRINT”


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